Friends?

Over a year and a half ago, I said goodbye to a friend. I was actually rude enough to say that "I divorced her." I evaluated our friendship and made a conscious decision to pull away and not pursue contact with her.

You see, this friendship for me was very destructive. I never knew what to expect or what was expected. I cried so often even though I considered her one of my best friends. And honestly, it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have a very difficult time not giving someone another chance.

The reason I bring it up tonight, is the fact that in the past week, I've received an IM request from her and a calendar from her and her husband's business (with a handwritten address so I know she purposely sent it.) It makes me ache. I know she is still wondering what happened. I attempted to explain it to her originally but her response was...well...I'll not get into it here.

I've prayed about it a lot and over the last 12 months, the answer has always come back that I made the right decision, but this time the ache is stronger. I miss her. I want to know what she's up to, how her kids are, how the business is going... But I just know. I know where we'll end up. Apologies will be said. Get-togethers will be planned. And then, the hurt will start again...

Lord, if this is what you want from me...please help me be strong. Clear my thoughts and bring my current friends closer so I'm wrapped in their loving friendship. Amen.